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Last year, it was the dots. This year, FOX’s player illustrations are the breakout feature of the NFL season.
If you’ve watched an NFL game recently, you’ve definitely noticed these comically buff depictions of NFL players. The quarterbacks, who are especially jacked for some reason, have been the best ones by far.
These cartoons need to be celebrated, so I spent the day collecting screenshots of every starting quarterback and I’ve ranked them based on … well, when I started, the rankings were based on accuracy but it ended up being how entertaining I found them.
Note: I was unable to find illustrations for Drew Lock and Cam Newton. Neither has played a game on FOX this season.
That’s a damn good Kyler right there. It’s accurate and the artist did a good job of capturing his general tininess.
This artist gets extra points for saying “Screw it, I’m not drawing Joe Flacco’s head.” I wouldn’t want to do that either. Flacco is the only quarterback on this list with a helmet on.
As long as you ignore his enormous left eye, this is a spot-on depiction of Teddy. He looks so dignified.
The more I look at this one, the less it looks like Russell Wilson to me. They did manage to capture the deadness behind his eyes.
Brees looks so … weathered. Did they really have to give him those forehead wrinkles? He looks like a 50-year-old Jesse Pinkman.
Look at that hair. It’s glorious. And now it’s all gone. Will FOX give us an updated illustration? A part of me doesn’t want that to happen.
I can’t imagine the thoughts going through the artist’s head while doing an illustration of freaking Jake Luton. That had to be a rough night. I also can’t tell you if that is an accurate depiction, as I have no idea what Luton looks like and I refuse to google it.
He looks so menacing. Like he’s about to reveal his plot to take over the world, one fourth-down throwaway at a time.
Based on his playing style, this is probably what Carson Wentz thinks he actually looks like. Those are some wide shoulders and is it just me or does he look kind of vampirish?
He has the distracted boyfriend meme look on his face. You could make one of those memes and have Baker’s girlfriend as a Browns receiver and the other woman as a defender. I’m just spitballing here.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
This one isn’t actually good, but I just enjoy it so much.
Why did they do that to poor Andy Dalton? They got him looking like a Dr. Suess character. The hair is pretty good though.
If Joe Burrow’s arm was really that strong, he might be the best quarterback ever.
They made Aaron Rodgers look like a guy who’s listened to every Joe Rogan podcast, so … good job, FOX.
Matt Ryan looks like a guy who gets paid to do murders.
He looks like a sad Superman; but instead of Kryptonite, his weakness is sack fumbles.
You can’t tell me that’s not Haley Joel-Osment.
I’m getting a Captain Morgan vibe from this one.
This looks like an aged Josh Allen. Like that’s what he’ll look like when he’s 32 … and backing up whoever the Bills draft in two years. Joking.
I like how Goff’s one eye is looking off to the sideline so he can see Sean McVay telling him where to throw the ball.
This Philip Rivers is jacked for some reason and looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. It’s hard to get your eight hours with all those kids running around.
This looks like a 12-year-old boy who is standing behind one of those cardboard cutouts without the head that people stand behind for pictures.
I mean, it looks like Lamar but why is he so sad?
Did a Ben Roethlisberger draw this?
That looks like the kind of Nick Foles who could lead you to a Super Bowl. Unfortunately, that’s not that Nick Foles the Bears are getting this season.
I don’t know who that is, but it’s not Patrick Mahomes.
That’s Mitt Romney. Extremely buff Mitt Romney.
What’s going on with Alex Smith’s head here? It’s like … bulbous, right?
Um … Deshaun Watson is looking a little pale here. Is this supposed to be his ghost? It looks like he got a visit from Carson Wentz’s cartoon.
This is play-action Ryan Tannehill. Straight dropback Ryan Tannehill looks more like the Alex Smith illustration.
Not only does this look nothing like Tua Tgovailoa but there aren’t any discernable features I can make a joke about. Boring.